Pride (Latin, superbia)
Is considered to be the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and the source of the others.
It is identified as believing that one is essentially better than others, failing to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, and excessive admiration of the personal self.
In Dante’s Divine Comedy, the penitents are burdened with stone slabs on their necks which force them to keep their heads bowed.
Just to put it all out there, the past few weeks have been tough, like, really tough- physically, mentally, emotionally and ultimately, spiritually. I felt and I knew that anger was slowly eating away at me, affecting all my daily dealings with people as well as myself. I had turned spiteful, miserable and unmotivated, absolutely convinced that giving up will be so much better than being here.
But then, from it all, just as I anticipated, I
have learned am learning. What about?, you may ask.
Well, about how sometimes, it is a necessity to allow vulnerability, swallowing pride, and not just feeling regretful but actually expressing your regret.
It continues to amaze me of how the words “I’m sorry” can change a situation for the better- just like that, no matter how bad or deep you think the water you are is in. You see, last week, I would never have thought that I would be having the relationship I have now with the person I apologized to, and mind you, I apologized primarily not because of the wrong I did, but because I recognized that our fight was not only null and pointless, it was also acting like a double-edged sword, hurting us both simultaneously, with cuts going deeper and deeper as time goes by. I was so tired of being angry at myself and at everybody and so finally after a lot of probing, thinking and praying, I decided to do something about it.
Let me tell you that I absolutely did not anticipate that for a painful minute of opening my heart and lowering my head, things actually turned out for the better- in fact, almost instantly. And from then on up until now, our relationship has been growing and unlike before, our interactions have turned from utterly daunting into something pleasant and it’s such a relief that I no longer feel like I need to be on guard and walk on eggshells 24/7. Oh, I know there will be similar occurrences in the future, but now I also know to handle them and how sometimes, when you put your head down, another person can be lifted up in the process. To be completely honest, whenever I share a laugh or two over meals with this particular someone now (which was virtually impossible from the week before) all I can think of is why did I wait for so long?
So basically right now, although I may still be struggling, the release of my soul from the bondage of bitterness, and this “light” feeling, having been released from that burden, is and was most important and priceless.
Above it all, I acknowledge God’s hand, His wisdom, and His creative ways of teaching lessons in life and love through these particular circumstances. Many of these lessons I had to learn away from the comforts of home, the shoulders of my family, the ears of my closest friends, because I think what I’m being told is that I will never be able to accomplish complete dependence on Him while I carry the 7th deadly sin along with me, that pride will always go against humility and complete surrender and trust.
..that sometimes, what I need to do is to let go of myself, completely, and just let God.